i've spent a lot of time being hard on myself...
i hated my body..
i hated my looks..
i hated my hair..
i hated a lot..
I would look at my friends and others and be so jealous of their body types, their ability to fit into any type of clothes, and their ability to eat and drink whatever, and not gain a pound. I was so tired of always being the "fat" friend...always a friend, but never anythign more....after a while that midset took a very hard toll on my mind, body and spirit...i couldnt take it anymore, every time i looked in the mirror, i would get so angry at myself..i hated what i saw, and i didnt know what to do...i run..I lose a little then hit a wall...i eat healthy...i lose a little and hit a wall...i do muscle work...i lose a little and hit a wall..i dont lose weight easily (never have, and never will) and it drives me crazy....BUT today I just came to a realization...I am tired of being tired. I am tired of not being happy about myself..i deserve way better from myself....i may not be the hottest guy around...i may have curly hair that is rebellious beyond belief...and i may have some extra baggage all over...but im matt...and i love it...I need to stop trying to be better in hopes others will notice and say something..FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE i am slmost happy with the way i am...that doesnt mean im content, but im happy...my hair is way i finally like...my body isnt perfection but im not sporting a keg and super ba donk a donk either...and my clothes are hot, so if you dont like them you can kiss it... i dont know if this happiness will last, but it feels "right" right now...
i dont know if you can tell much difference but heres a pic of a while ago and now
around christmas 
and this is now
i dont know if you can tell a difference
but i can
and im happy
thank you for my supprotive friends, who give me nothing but positive energy
and those of you ive worked so hard to look better for...im sorry you dont know what youre missing out on....
thank you
sincerely
Matthew Michael Ramage
P.s. sorry if there are a ton of typos i suck at typing...
2 comments:
aww buddy i'm so glad to hear you're doing better. i know you've been struggling a very long time, and i'm glad you see what i see now. you are an amazing friend and an amazing person. it makes me so happy to know that you are finally happy, or close to being happy, with yourself. i know i could tell you time and time again that you are healthy and not fat and yaddayaddayadda, but in the end, only what YOU think matters, and it's so good to hear that you are becoming comfortable with who you are and where you are going in life.
much much love.
I see a difference - confidence... and it's sexy as hell.
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