its been a while

(i apologize now for all of the typos)

my life has been crazy..

internship at zimmerman is going great!...

im learning a lot..

meeting a lot of new people..

and really getting a good "sneak peek" of my chosen carreer...

I'm finally (still a process) coming to terms with myself...

ive spent the better part of my life fighting who i was..

and making my life miserable....

im almost happy and im almost not ashamed..of me

Im also learning that its impossible to be nice and like everyone

if you know me, you know that its hard for me to dislike people or make enemies.

but ive realized that there are some pretty crummy people in tallahassee

SAD PATHETIC LONELY INSECURE MALICIOUS BITTER TIRED

"people"

and i dont need them in my life

if you wanna hate me or not believe what i say..

go ahead ..you really wont bother me at all..

ill just forget you existed..and life will be easier that way

you wont be an enemy!...i dont need or want or desire enemies or drama...

you will just be forgotten...

and some of you already have been..

if you think i need to grow up your sadly mistaken..and about intelligent as a twig.

lastly...

if you have anything you want to know about me...good, bad, scary, questions...anything!

ask me...not a friend..not an acquantaince...not a co worker...

ME...

im pretty sure that besides my parents im the best authority on myself...

thanks for dealing with my crazy busy summer...

friends i miss you....ill spread my time out more evenly...

call me

text me

ill get back to you i swear...

love you all...well most of you...

matt

btw...thats me at zimmerman ...im officially super in love with macs...even more than before!

I am Me....and im almost happy

i've spent a lot of time being hard on myself...

i hated my body..

i hated my looks..

i hated my hair..

i hated a lot..

I would look at my friends and others and be so jealous of their body types, their ability to fit into any type of clothes, and their ability to eat and drink whatever, and not gain a pound. I was so tired of always being the "fat" friend...always a friend, but never anythign more....after a while that midset took a very hard toll on my mind, body and spirit...i couldnt take it anymore, every time i looked in the mirror, i would get so angry at myself..i hated what i saw, and i didnt know what to do...i run..I lose a little then hit a wall...i eat healthy...i lose a little and hit a wall...i do muscle work...i lose a little and hit a wall..i dont lose weight easily (never have, and never will) and it drives me crazy....BUT today I just came to a realization...I am tired of being tired. I am tired of not being happy about myself..i deserve way better from myself....i may not be the hottest guy around...i may have curly hair that is rebellious beyond belief...and i may have some extra baggage all over...but im matt...and i love it...I need to stop trying to be better in hopes others will notice and say something..FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE i am slmost happy with the way i am...that doesnt mean im content, but im happy...my hair is way i finally like...my body isnt perfection but im not sporting a keg and super ba donk a donk either...and my clothes are hot, so if you dont like them you can kiss it... i dont know if this happiness will last, but it feels "right" right now...

i dont know if you can tell much difference but heres a pic of a while ago and now

around christmas

and this is now

i dont know if you can tell a difference

but i can

and im happy

thank you for my supprotive friends, who give me nothing but positive energy

and those of you ive worked so hard to look better for...im sorry you dont know what youre missing out on....

thank you

sincerely

Matthew Michael Ramage

P.s. sorry if there are a ton of typos i suck at typing...

practicing timing with the camera...not trying to model lol..

p.s. im over this naturaul aluminum free deodoornat..it fights odor but the sweat isnt being hidden..i cant take it......bring on the active ingridients...

whaddayathink

I am tired...i am ready

tired of gas prices.

tired of pressures.

tired of shady politics.

tired of working for way less than i deserve.

tired of being fat.

tired of being torn between friends.

tired of feeling trapped here..even though i probably wouldnt leave if given the chance.

tired of making amazing friends and then losing them to moving.

tired of being misunderstood.

tired of always having to be there.

tired of feeling like a shame

tired of being so confused about so many things.

ready for my intersnhip to start

ready for others to see my potential

ready for something better than skateworld

ready for a new lease on life

ready to be my own person

ready for money to make that last thing possible

ready for work

ready for helping others

ready for an escape

come with me?

FOR SARAH!

you wanted black?

here you go....

by L.A.M.B.

let the drooling commence......now..

WHAT I WANT!

1. Razr2 v8--- im sick of my sidekick...i just want a phone...a clean shiny trendy slim phone..the sidekick is dying on me anyway... i got a replacement balck basic razr for right now..btu when feb rolls around and its time for me to renew my contract....IM PICKING THE MOST AMAZING PHONE EVER...not sure what that will be yet

2. MIEHANA sneaker by L.A.M.B

I pretty much am in love with these...from the snake skin..to the white on white chain print along the rubber..to the straps..to the hi tops....GIMME NOW...oh and did i mention that thwy are by l.a.m.b? which i won one pair of shoes from...but more importantly..thats gwen stefanis brand.my hero...GIMME

3. I want for sarah howard to buy these...and own them..and be amazing..i think she could pull um off...eh?

4. lastly..i want to go to a concert...a good one... preferably...

M.I.A. thats definately one of my top 10 things to do asap.... that would make my life..

thats all...now all i need is some money! anyone wanna help?

KATYRZYNA!? noooooooooooooooo tyra you whore

RIP to katyrzyna's top model running...tyras stupid tail kicked her off...for one weak picture...

and kept tranny dominique..and miss america mc nasty skank mc whitney around.... if tyra wants teh fashion world to respect her show...she need to pick a real model...not anothr saleisha (terrible!!) not another caridee (not worthy) nott another eva ( too short and commerical)...she needs a coco rocha...an agyness deyn...a chanel iman... not an easy breeze CHEESY covergirl... you know tyra wouldnt touch that k mart makeup any day..so get over your sponsors and give us a model...

FATIMA OR ANYA PLEASE....

rip...beautiful katyrzyna

The Beach? The Inlet? The Water...

So today..(as part of my one week of summer.) I went to the beach with some co workers from Skate World! We went to Bald Point, which is by alligator point in the panacea area...its not so much the ocean as it is an inlet.. It was nice regardless of name... So we drove to the park and we were the only people there. uh mazing....we had lunch... layed around... listened to music... tried to get in the icy waters.... relaxed some more...bronzed..and then the coolest thing happened.. We were all walking down the beach and we saw "the makins' of a sand bar!" ( say in whatever weird accent you like ..i prefer wild west gold miner) so we walked onto it..and walked...and walked...and walked..and walked..and we were then hundreds and hundreds of feet away from the shore..and still only mid calf deep in water.... it was kind of surreal... we then proceeded to have a photo shoot and tackling contest.. and we observed hundreds of huge hermit crabs.. and sat in the water...feeling miles away from shore but still safe...that relaxed me to the maxxx...so we then headed back...feeling accomplished of course..and left...i am going back there soon! only 45 mins away...and secluded and peaceful...and well worth the insane gas...did i mention mega bonding occurred.... i love this week of summer...

Good Morning?

so it's 12:14 in the early afternoon...and i am just waking up, Lazy, right? I dont think so considering this is my only week of "summer relaxation" before the busiest summer of my life beigins. So I think I deserve to stay out late every night sleep half the day,a nd be a summer college kid for 1 week. (mind you this is a 5 day week, not a 7 day week.)....So in this 5 day week there are a view things i want to do...(why all my blogs are turning into lists? i dont know) here we go....

1. Have Chuck E Cheese Pizza...its been forever and im sure its still delish....

2. Go to a house party/get togther...just makes summer feel official..

3. Go to the beach ( on Wed! )

4. See Baby Mama! (just did that last night :))

5. See so much of my friends, that I'm sick of them.....

6. Get My Room clean..and all my laundry done...

7. See a couple friends I havent seen in a while....

8. Play Rock Band...

9. Get back in my runnin groutine... hopefully tonight..

10. not spend a lot of $$

11. find a gasoline alternative and save all of you $$ and make me rich...

thats not too massive of a list is it?

Im pretty much obsessed with this picture....if you can tell me where this picture is from (i.e. tv show, movie, artist, etc..) I will take you to chuck e cheese with me for pizza!

The Bucket List?

top 5 things to do before i die (for this month, dont act like your list doesnt change too.)

in no particular order....

1.) get an amazing job...in an amazing city...with a trendy apartment.. and a killer audio system.

in a buliding that resembles this....amazing..

2. Take a photo, featured in a magazine.. or some sort of periodical...

that is just as amazing and as fierce as this....(models woudl make it fierce i can just capture that)

(i want to know the asian models name...i know coco rocha and chanel iman.....any help??)

3. I want to be on a reality TV show...preferably the real world...i mean im not trying to brag but how amazing would I be on that show...best roomate ever.........

how could mtv turn down this hot piece of man?

4. Go Skydiving..... im so terrified of it....but i must do it.... some day... omg im scared just thinking of it...

5. Make enough money to comfotably dress in amazing styles every day...and not feel bad about the price tags.

some inspiration.....

Im gonna update this week monthly or bi-monthly...or whenever.....

so keep a look out for more bucket lists....

time for bed

night.

1st blog. thanks to sarah!

So...I have been wanting to do one of these (a blog) for a while...

I have alot to say normally...and as all of you know...

not much can hold me back from saying it...

so now when you cant be close to me...

you can always see whats on my mind....

from 1.) music 2.) phtography 3.) inspirations 4.) angers 5.) fears 6.) opinions 7.) randomness...yadda yadda yadda...etc etc etc....

so for my first topic...

my growing love for this model...

Yes yes yes...i know shes from top model...and top model has rarely produced a successful high fashion model..but look at her....she actually looks like a model.. for once!

not saleisha...not caridee....not andrienne....... a real model...

skinny to the maxxxx...but healthy looking...piercing eyes...puuls off the white hair...and effortless poses that exude class.... yes...ANYA shoud win

but i digress.... i would be happy with

1.anya

2. katyrzna

3. fatima

as the winner...

if dominique or whitney win...i will boycott all things tyra...

for an undisclosed amount of time....

that is all...!